So, I've had some turmoil in my life. I know, who hasn't? I used to own a home in NJ. When my husband and I separated we decided he would get the home and I would move to an apartment, etc. For the time being he went to live at his mom's and I stayed in the house. We both paid the mortgage on it. That was the plan. But then I discovered he'd cleaned out our bank account and used it on cocaine and he was on shaky ground. So, even though I could barely afford it I said I'd pay the mortgage and he should get some help for his problem and we'd precede as planned with him taking the house and the payments over.

But, he decided it would be better to lose his mind entirely. So, after attacking me one night, in the middle of the night (3 a.m. or so) by chloroforming me and handcuffing me to the bed and then threatening to kill himself and me spending about 13 hours talking him out of it all and a bunch of other things...suffice to say, the initial plan didn't pan out.

So now I have this house I can barely afford on my salary but I decide to make a go of it. I work 3 jobs and I am doing well. My bills are paid and I have some extra for necessities and fun stuff. I also decide to study computer networking and I get my MSCE+I.

Then, about 7 years later, the company I work for decides to merge with another company and they're going lay off everyone. Since I have my new certification in computers and I've worked for them for 10 years, I decide to take their retirement package (it turns out that the first one they offered was the best one, but I digress). I leave the company with 10 years of severance pay and a nice little retirement savings in 401k which I rollover. This is April 2001.

Because I've worked for 10 years and I have a bit of money, I decide to take the summer off and look for a job in the fall, in my new career. I'll have enough money to cushion me through an entry level tech position and those jobs were plentiful. I'm in the cat bird seat.

Fast forward to Septemeber 2001. The 11th to be precise. The world is falling apart, for everyone. I used to work in the WTC. 103rd floor of the North Tower. That was back in the 80s for the Home Loan Bank Board. Wonderful people. I watch those towers fall that day. I don't know if my ex-coworkers and friends are in that building. I don't know anything but shock. Who does?

For weeks I'm in a daze...well, it was longer than weeks but weeks after I decide I MUST start working. I look for a job in tech, but it's October, the market is down and the tech sector has died. DIED. People with 10 years of coding experience are taking entry level help desk jobs at 1/10th their previous salary. I get no calls, none for computer work. I start looking for administrative work. I have years of experience in that. There's no calls. I sign with agencies, I get no calls. I have never, in 30 years of working, not be called back, interviewed at least. I'm getting NOTHING. When I didn't have skills I would get hired. Now I can't even get a toenail in the door, nevermind a whole foot. The months drag on and I start to have to pull from my 401k to survive. To eat, to pay the mortgage and keep the heat and electric on. The credit cards aren't getting paid. I take any temp job that comes along, $11/hour isn't going beyond food and bare essentials though and I have to drive 40 minutes to get that salary.

This lasts for years. It gets a bit better but drops off some. My 401k is dwindling. Finally I land a job at a law office. Law, something I'd gotten out of 18 or 20 years earlier and I was back in it, and it was inspiring. I was actually helping people who'd lived through 9/11. Yeah, my bank account and mood changed. But of course by now I'm 2 years behind on the mortgage and bills and I need to fix this. I can get refinancing but only if both my husband and I signed off. He's still on the deed. I never got divorced! I send him a letter (he lives far away now) and a quit claim. He refuses to sign. He's paid nothing into this place in over 10 years but he wants a stake in it. Uh, not going to happen.

I hire an attorney to get me divorced and get the house in my name. The lawyer strikes some shady deal and then screws me. I'm 3 days from a sheriff's sale, my husband has signed all but one paper that's needed that the lawyer never sent him and my lawyer does NOTHING about it. NOTHING. In fact he threatens me! So, I have one option and one option only and that is, file chapter 13. I do this. The bankruptcy attorney charges me more than double what it should cost but I'm desperate, I have only a matter of hours to file or lose the house.

I can't afford the chapter 13. It requires I pay my mortgage and my bills and nearly $700 a month to bill collectors. I don't make the kind of money but for several months I do this, sending my checks by certified return receipt to a trustee. Then my bankruptcy attorney screws me and doesn't show up at the confirmation hearing. He's "busy" and tells me to "wait" (he's already 1.5 hours late when he tells me this and thinks I'll sit there for another 2 hours waiting for him). I'm freaking out at the hearing and though they weren't suppose to, the bankruptcy people hear my case without the attorney there. Shortly thereafter I get a letter saying I need to pay $50 more a month to the "plan". I don't have it. It doesn't exist. There is no $50 more. It's not there. I default on the bankruptcy. They have several thousand dollars of mine but because the case is confirmed already they are suppose to distribute that to my creditors and not return it to me. I asked for a breakdown from the trustee of which creditors received the funds and in what amount but never heard back. Nice.

That is when I sell my house to some sleezebag for about $100,000 less than it's worth and decide to move to the country where I can afford a house.

I just received a call from one of those creditors who tracked me down. I'm not sure how, some government document I'm sure since I don't give my real phone number out on anything else. I could tell by the number that came up that it was someone I didn't know, either a sales call or a debt collector. So I answered with a strange partially East Indian accent. They asked for me, I said "who is calling?" and they said "NCO" I said "what is NCO" and she said "debt collectors" I said "I am sorry, there is no here by that name". She then said "well why all the questions, why didn't you just say you don't have the right number" and I stepped the accent up a bit and said "you don't have the right number" and she said this isn't XXXX (my address) and I said "no, sorry". She hung up.

I do believe I shouldn't have to deal with this. They should be contacting the trustee. They should leave me alone. It's done. You're not getting your money, that phase is over, move on.

I am not a dead beat. If I won the lottery I'd pay all my back money, in full, with interest. But I didn't get into this situation alone but I'm the one who has to fight it alone, constantly, forever.

I'm tired. But thank God for caller ID.

// posted by dollyllama @ 8:16 PM

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Of bosses and other demons (ok, just bosses, who needs other demons if you have a boss?) 

So, I'm going to rant about my boss. I know. I know. Who does that? Everyone loves their boss (I need sarcasm tags)...but I digress.

I've had a few great bosses in my day. Not many. Some were ok, some were downright awful and some where, as I said, great. My boss, Rich, was great. He was as scattered as they come in most areas. The typical overworked guy trying to keep all the plates spinning. I was just the person he needed to help with that. He loved me and it showed. I could laugh at his foibles and peccadilloes and he laughed right along with me. But when he needed something from me he got it and that kept him primed for dealing with the stuff he needed to deal with. He didn't expect stupid things out of me, I never spun my wheels for no reason with him. If he needed something I already knew why and half the time I could anticipate it and have it before he asked. It was the most symbiotic boss/employee relationship I ever had. But Rich isn't selfish, in fact quite the opposite. He is generous of his time, money, energy, and gratitude. He would NEVER take credit for something someone else did. He cares about his clients, his family his employees (in no particular order). He isn't just mentally intelligent, he's emotionally intelligent.

My current boss. She's a smart woman, I mean sharp. She's made a business for herself and done very well at it. In many ways she's similar to Rich. Smart but scattered. In need of someone to reign her in, to anticipate needs and to leave only the most complicated stuff for her. But she is so difficult to anticipate. It's not because she's female either, at least, I don't think that's the reason. It's because she's selfish. I do believe that might underlie her biggest failing.

She is completely disorganized and never takes responsibility for that. For every little thing that goes wrong she looks for someone to blame. For me to list the myriad of things I've seen her try to blame other people for would lead to a post that would be almost endless. I can site a few examples though.

Her desk is a mess. It's stacked with papers of all sort. Her personal stuff, her client stuff. Some of import, some of no import, doesn't matter, it's all there. She has a big desk, it's U-shaped, it's covered with piles. She "thinks" the piles are organized. I can assure you, they are not. She has various bins on her desk. Some are almost empty except for odds and ends (a picture, an errant computer cable, a broken wheel from a desk chair) and some are stacked with an odd assortment of papers. There's no rhyme or reason. So when I need to leave her something I put it on her chair. When she meanders in she picks up what I put on her chair (carefully collated and paper clipped or stapled to keep it in order) and dumps it into the black hole of her desk. Said item will vanish. She will ask me for it and I will say "I just gave it to you, I put it on your chair". She will then throw her hands up in the air and say "no you didn't, I can't find it, do it over". Whereupon I think "no, pick up a piece of paper and look for it" But instead I get up, ruffle through some papers and find it. I always end this with a grunt or a smug look. I can't help it, I'm tired of doing everything over 6 times.

She will also ask me for things she won't need for months or weeks, if ever. I've learned to ignore her requests until I find out she actually needs them. I'm a fast worker, no pointing in re-inventing the wheel ever other day.

One of her worst attributes (?) is that she believes she knows everything about things of which she has no knowledge. She was planning to buy the building next to ours. From the beginning she wanted to get it for less than the asking price (which was pretty cheap). It's a bad market though so if she'd held out, she might have. But no, once she's decided she should have something she's all gangbusters about it, she cannot control herself. So she goes for it, but finds out the funding isn't going to be what she wants. She gets to near the end of the deal and pulls out. Now she wants me to read her contract and find her a loophole. And I do, because, lucky for her, there is a loophole. I tell her that per the contract she has 45 days to get a commitment from the lender. This is known as the "commitment date" and as long as she hasn't asked for an extension of the commitment date and hasn't gotten said commitment she can withdraw. She then started talking to me like I'm an idiot. She said to me "just because they both have "c's" in them doesn't mean commitment and contract are the same thing". I wanted to slap her. She thinks she has some clue about legality of stuff but she shoots from the hip and often misses. I explained that the commitment and the commitment date were two separate things. The commitment was what the lender would issue but the commitment date was a contractual obligation. I know it's rather complex, but omg I wanted to throw the documents in her face. I was doing her a favor, she doesn't pay me for my paralegal skills and then to insult me?

But the thing that is chapping my hide so much is that she has taken credit for finding the clause that got her out of the contract. She insulted the attorney I referred her to by directing him to the lame ass clause she found and insisting he write the seller's attorney using that. Then she fired him because she got impatient when he went on vacation for a week (which she was fully aware of) and fired him, blaming him for using the wrong clause (which she found) instead of the one *I* found which she ultimately took credit for. I feel bad for the attorney. I'm suppose to pick up her file from him on Friday and I'm going to apologize to him for the referral and recommend strongly he bill her stiffly for the hours he put in putting up with her nitpicky non-sense.

She complains about everyone and everything. Thank you is an afterthought, followed by an insult.

What's screwed up is I like her in many ways, but she cannot accept her flaws and faults and that turns her into a shrew. When I get testy with her she asks how I handled Rich and I haven't yet told her that Rich would never treat people the way she does, that he accepted his flaws without argument, in fact he did it with humor and he never would take credit for someone else's work. And while Rich thought most everyone was an idiot (except me, and he told me on more than one occasion) he also knew that he could be just as idiotic as the rest of us. She doesn't see that. She blames everyone else for her lack of focus, her scatter-brained antics, her sloth and her lack of comprehension.

There's so much more to this but it would take too long to explain. I have adapted as best I can to it, but I don't know how long I can last.

// posted by dollyllama @ 9:05 PM