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Friday, July 30, 2004
What was I thinking?
For awhile now I've had feral kittens in my yard. The mother's go into my garage and have a litter and in a few weeks I see little kittens running about. They run away from me. I feed them and they eat my food but they don't want anything more to do with me.
Well that was until a recent litter. The mom seemed to have only 2 (surviving?) kittens. The three of them would come for food, mom would come to my door and I'd bring food out. She would wait while her kittens ate. Pretty soon the kittens were coming by themselves mostly, she'd stop by now and then to check on them. This went on for a few weeks before she disappeared completely. I continued to feed the kittens who came when I called. Then I noticed one of the kittens had an eye infection. I spiked the food with antibiotics. They were pretty used to me and while I couldn't pet (oh I snuck a few pets but it wasn't really appreciated) or pick them up at least one of them was quite bold. They were about 10-12 weeks old now I guessed.Then one day they vanished. They were gone for 4 days. Only 1 of them came back, the bold one.
Her eye wasn't looking too good, but she was pretty acclimated to me. She'd sleep on the lawn furniture and play with some string. Still no touching though. A few nights after she returned we had a bad storm. I opened up my screen door and put the food just inside the door. She came in and ate. I left the door open and the food there and went off to do some chores. When I came back she wasn't there so I closed the door. A few minutes later a LOUD clap of thunder sent her scurrying from her hiding spot under the sofa and BAM into the screen.
Now terrified she ran wild around the house hissing and bouncing off things in a frenzy to escape. I tried to grab her (mistake, I wasn't thinking) and got bit and scratched. She ran behind the clothes dryer. While pouring alcohol on the bite I decided to "keep" her at least long enough for her eye to heal.
She had chosen to hide in the laundry room so I set up a litterbox, food and water in there. I closed the room off so my cats couldn't bother her (they are NOT happy about this decision) and let her calm down.
She uses the litterbox and had been eating the first few days. Now we are in day three, she's hiding and when I go in there she mews like she is miserable but won't come out. She doesn't seem to be eating or drinking anything, though it's hard to tell.
There is not much information on taming feral kittens on the web and what there is certainly indicates that for the most part I'm doing it wrong (small cage first, lots of handling, get them while they're 4-6 weeks...so far haven't done any of that). They all say it'll be 2-6 weeks, maybe more. I can certainly be patient for that time but I don't want her to starve or dehydrate out of fear.
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I don't actually know what I'm doing or why I feel compelled to do it.
I just want her to be a happy kitten and instead she's miserable. Now I'm afraid to let her go anyway because maybe she'll run off and never trust a human, or her eye will get worse.
I dunno....
dolly's world: the fine art of bitchcraft
Well that was until a recent litter. The mom seemed to have only 2 (surviving?) kittens. The three of them would come for food, mom would come to my door and I'd bring food out. She would wait while her kittens ate. Pretty soon the kittens were coming by themselves mostly, she'd stop by now and then to check on them. This went on for a few weeks before she disappeared completely. I continued to feed the kittens who came when I called. Then I noticed one of the kittens had an eye infection. I spiked the food with antibiotics. They were pretty used to me and while I couldn't pet (oh I snuck a few pets but it wasn't really appreciated) or pick them up at least one of them was quite bold. They were about 10-12 weeks old now I guessed.Then one day they vanished. They were gone for 4 days. Only 1 of them came back, the bold one.
Her eye wasn't looking too good, but she was pretty acclimated to me. She'd sleep on the lawn furniture and play with some string. Still no touching though. A few nights after she returned we had a bad storm. I opened up my screen door and put the food just inside the door. She came in and ate. I left the door open and the food there and went off to do some chores. When I came back she wasn't there so I closed the door. A few minutes later a LOUD clap of thunder sent her scurrying from her hiding spot under the sofa and BAM into the screen.
Now terrified she ran wild around the house hissing and bouncing off things in a frenzy to escape. I tried to grab her (mistake, I wasn't thinking) and got bit and scratched. She ran behind the clothes dryer. While pouring alcohol on the bite I decided to "keep" her at least long enough for her eye to heal.
She had chosen to hide in the laundry room so I set up a litterbox, food and water in there. I closed the room off so my cats couldn't bother her (they are NOT happy about this decision) and let her calm down.
She uses the litterbox and had been eating the first few days. Now we are in day three, she's hiding and when I go in there she mews like she is miserable but won't come out. She doesn't seem to be eating or drinking anything, though it's hard to tell.
There is not much information on taming feral kittens on the web and what there is certainly indicates that for the most part I'm doing it wrong (small cage first, lots of handling, get them while they're 4-6 weeks...so far haven't done any of that). They all say it'll be 2-6 weeks, maybe more. I can certainly be patient for that time but I don't want her to starve or dehydrate out of fear.
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I don't actually know what I'm doing or why I feel compelled to do it.
I just want her to be a happy kitten and instead she's miserable. Now I'm afraid to let her go anyway because maybe she'll run off and never trust a human, or her eye will get worse.
I dunno....
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Not much to blog about...
But I did get this letter in e-mail and it's a political bias b.s. letter (no author, no mention of their expertise, no citing for where these alleged facts come from). A friend sent it (she didn't write it), but she sends information on both sides of the political fence, good and bad so I know it's not bias on her part. It just annoys me that so much gets passed off for "fact" or for any sort of meaningful data when it has no basis in fact or no bearing on the situation.
I don't normally rant on political stuff but I had nothing else to blog about and iZ twisted my arm, he's really a bully!! ;-)
Anyway, here is the letter, my comments are in bold, cause I'm more right (hehehe). Mind you these are my comments, if I have a fact I'll give you a citing where I got it.
Following is a brief background on Mrs. John Kerry .. She hates being called that, by the way: (so?)
Maria Teresa Thiersten Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry. Married Senator Kerry in 1995. She only took his name eighteen months ago (and this is a problem because...?) and she is an "interesting" paradox of conflicts. (so she's a female then.)
If you thought John Kerry was scary (scary? what is scary about John Kerry? He's a war hero? He can pronounce the word nuclear? he isn't a war monger? yeah I guess to the brainless that is frightening), he doesn't hold a candle to his wife Maria Teresa Thiersten Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry was born in Mozambique, the daughter of a Portuguese physician, was educated in Switzerland and South Africa (you mean she didn't get an inane US public school education? Why she probably can pronounce nuclear too, STONE HER). Fluent in five languages, she was working as a United Nations interpreter in Geneva (she worked outside the home in a job that requires intelligence and precision, what a radical thing in the year 2004! I'll bet she doesn't even know how to bake!!) in the mid-60's when she met a "handsome" young American, H. John Heinz, III, who worked at a bank in Geneva. He told her his family was "in the food business." (sounds duplicitous on his part, oh wait he was a Republican). They were married in 1966 and returned to Pittsburgh where his family ran the giant H. J. Heinz food company. He was elected to the US House of Representatives in 1971, and in 1976 he was elected to the first of three terms in the United States Senate. A Republican, he wrote a burning diatribe against some of the causes backed by young House member John Kerry (gee, a Republican writing something scathing about a Democrat, will wonders never cease?). Several years later, in 1991, he was killed when his plane collided with a Sun Oil Company helicopter (wonder if the helicopter was owned by a company run by a Republican, hmmm) over a Philadelphia suburb. The senator, his pilot and copilot, and both of Sun's helicopter pilots were killed. He was survived by his wife, Teresa, and their three young sons. Four years later (was this not enough mourning time?), having inherited Heinz's $500 million fortune, she married Senator John Forbes Kerry, the liberal then-junior senator from Massachusetts. She became a registered Democrat (OMG) and the process of her radicalization (I love the Republican finger pointing that everyone who doesn't believe what they believe is a "RADICAL", well thank GOD for those radicals) was set in motion. Heinz-Kerry is not shy about telling people that she required Kerry to sign a prenuptial agreement before they were married (oh so he wasn't after her money and he still married her? Well dammit, that's downright upstanding and totally against the money monger Republican way!!!). John Kerry may not have check writing privileges (um, that's not what a pre-nup is, but who cares whether he can write a check on her account?) on the Heinz catsup and pickle fortune, but he is certainly a willing and uncomplaining beneficiary of it (so they share? Imagine a husband and wife sharing, HOW FUCKING RADICAL). A lot of hard-earned money, made through many years of hawking catsup, mustard, and pickles has fallen into the hands of two people who despise successful entrepreneurship (er, now here is a problem, what they despise is UNFAIR successful manipulation of what SHOULD BE entrepreneurship but turns out the bidding is rigged by um REPUBLICANS...or does Haliburton not ring a bell?) and who believe in the confiscatory redistribution of wealth (and your facts come from????). So how does Mrs. Heinz Kerry spend John Heinz's money (oh see, he's dead he LEFT HER THE MONEY, so therefore the money is HERS, or do you not understand Wills and Bequeaths either)? Just one example: According to the G2 Bulletin, an online intelligence newsletter of WorldNetDaily, in the years between 1995-2001 she gave more than $4million to an organization called the Tides Foundation (I can't access the G2 news bulletin without a $200/year subscription but the headline of this article reads:
Who's funding GOP unrest?
Mrs. Kerry linked to groups planning demonstrations, disruptions.
So she's backing her husband?)
And what does the Tides Foundation do with John Heinz's money? They support numerous antiwar groups, including Ramsey Clark's International Action Center (here is the website for Tides Foundation, a non-profit beneficent organization http://www.tidesfoundation.org/index_tf.cfm , which has seems to be very open about what they do and what they support). Clark has offered to defend Saddam Hussein when he's tried (this may be a very unpopular thing for Clark to do but it is the right of every individual in this Country to be represented by counsel, or do you hate the Constitution too?). They support the Democratic Justice Fund, a joint venture of the Tides Foundation and billionaire hate-monger George Soros (you mean the guy who survived a Nazi concentration camp and campaigned against aparthied, that HATE MONGER?). The Democratic Justice Fund seeks to ease restrictions on Muslim immigration from "terrorist" states. They support the Council for American-Islamic Relations, whose leaders are known to have close ties to the terrorist group, Hamas (you know what, let me just cut to the chase here and send you to this link, http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_teresa_heinz_kerry.htm , doesn't the url say it all?). They support the National Lawyers Guild, organized as a communist front during the Cold War era. One of their attorneys, Lynne Stewart, has been arrested for helping a client, Sheikh Omar Abdel Rahman, communicate with terror cells in Egypt. He is the convicted mastermind of the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. They support the "Barrio Warriors," a radical Hispanic group whose primary goal is to return all of Arizona, California, New Mexico, and Texas to Mexico. These are but a few of the radical groups that benefit, through the anonymity provided by the Tides Foundation, from the generosity of our would-be first lady, the wealthy widow of Republican senator John Heinz, and now the wife of the Democratic senator who aspires to be the 44th President of the United States.
Aiding and supporting our enemies is not good for America (you should have told this to GWB when he sent $30 million to Osama and his cohorts in May of 2001, guess what they funded? Where was the accounting of that money?, oh yeah I *think* Bush said he regretted that, so it's all better now, right?) regardless of your political views. If voters will open their eyes, educate themselves and see the real Teresa Heinz Kerry (I'd like the voters to grow a brain stem too and see things for what they really are instead of getting drivvel such as this in their e-mail and deciding that it's a fact or not completely biased and shows none of the failings, misdeeds and secrets of the Republican party) they will not appreciate her position as ultra rich fairy godmother of the radical left (no instead they'll see her as a rational intelligent woman, supporting her husband and his campaign and has clearly documented EVERYTHING). They will not want to imagine her laying her head on a pillow each night inches away from the President of the United States (so this is how you think of Laura or worse, Barbara Bush? That's twisted...oh wait, Republicans don't sleep in the same bed!). Hopefully they love this country enough to decide that the only way these two will ever be allowed into the White House is with an engraved invitation in hand (oh I for one am voting them an engraved invitation, because if your narrow minded, unfounded diatribe represents the other side I KNOW I'M RIGHT). Instead of deleting this, pass it on. Let everyone know these people are unfit to represent this great nation (they don't want war, they want to improve the economy, they want to make conditions better for everyone, they want to offer fair bidding on government contracts, they want to make sure Americans are taken care of in old age and in health crises, what kind of evil anti-Americanism is THAT?). The uninformed will never hear the truth (you said it) from the press (you mean like the NY Post, the Wall Street Journal or The Washington Post who printed utter inaccuracies about Kerry and the above organizations? Yeah, in that you are correct), who wants Kerry elected!
Not from the above letter:
Now just a side note. Our current resident, GWB, belongs (as did his father) to a secret society. He admits this in his autobiography (so you know I'm not making this up). The secret society is Yale's "Skull and Bones". The History Channel did an interesting documentary on this the other day. They gave a fair reporting, offering both positive and negative dialog on it. Some of the things that both sides agreed upon was that the society is "elitist", no "riff-raff" allowed. The inductees are white, upper class, "connected" individuals who foster the doctrine that everyone else is to be excluded in all society. (That's not even the scariest part). They also agree that the ideal is to groom their inductees for "political and high powered positions" so that they can foster this doctrine further! Ok, now that's FRIGHTENING. See I gotta believe you don't have a secret society unless the secret shouldn't be shared because it's not a wholesome one...if it was in any way benevolent wouldn't it be a WIDE OPEN SOCIETY? Yeah these people aren't sending any money to starving kids, that much they all agree on too. Oh and as an amusing side note each member of this society gets a "secret society name". George W. Bush's name? "Temporary". Yeah, even they don't want him permanent.
dolly's world: the fine art of bitchcraft
I don't normally rant on political stuff but I had nothing else to blog about and iZ twisted my arm, he's really a bully!! ;-)
Anyway, here is the letter, my comments are in bold, cause I'm more right (hehehe). Mind you these are my comments, if I have a fact I'll give you a citing where I got it.
Following is a brief background on Mrs. John Kerry .. She hates being called that, by the way: (so?)
Maria Teresa Thiersten Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry. Married Senator Kerry in 1995. She only took his name eighteen months ago (and this is a problem because...?) and she is an "interesting" paradox of conflicts. (so she's a female then.)
If you thought John Kerry was scary (scary? what is scary about John Kerry? He's a war hero? He can pronounce the word nuclear? he isn't a war monger? yeah I guess to the brainless that is frightening), he doesn't hold a candle to his wife Maria Teresa Thiersten Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry was born in Mozambique, the daughter of a Portuguese physician, was educated in Switzerland and South Africa (you mean she didn't get an inane US public school education? Why she probably can pronounce nuclear too, STONE HER). Fluent in five languages, she was working as a United Nations interpreter in Geneva (she worked outside the home in a job that requires intelligence and precision, what a radical thing in the year 2004! I'll bet she doesn't even know how to bake!!) in the mid-60's when she met a "handsome" young American, H. John Heinz, III, who worked at a bank in Geneva. He told her his family was "in the food business." (sounds duplicitous on his part, oh wait he was a Republican). They were married in 1966 and returned to Pittsburgh where his family ran the giant H. J. Heinz food company. He was elected to the US House of Representatives in 1971, and in 1976 he was elected to the first of three terms in the United States Senate. A Republican, he wrote a burning diatribe against some of the causes backed by young House member John Kerry (gee, a Republican writing something scathing about a Democrat, will wonders never cease?). Several years later, in 1991, he was killed when his plane collided with a Sun Oil Company helicopter (wonder if the helicopter was owned by a company run by a Republican, hmmm) over a Philadelphia suburb. The senator, his pilot and copilot, and both of Sun's helicopter pilots were killed. He was survived by his wife, Teresa, and their three young sons. Four years later (was this not enough mourning time?), having inherited Heinz's $500 million fortune, she married Senator John Forbes Kerry, the liberal then-junior senator from Massachusetts. She became a registered Democrat (OMG) and the process of her radicalization (I love the Republican finger pointing that everyone who doesn't believe what they believe is a "RADICAL", well thank GOD for those radicals) was set in motion. Heinz-Kerry is not shy about telling people that she required Kerry to sign a prenuptial agreement before they were married (oh so he wasn't after her money and he still married her? Well dammit, that's downright upstanding and totally against the money monger Republican way!!!). John Kerry may not have check writing privileges (um, that's not what a pre-nup is, but who cares whether he can write a check on her account?) on the Heinz catsup and pickle fortune, but he is certainly a willing and uncomplaining beneficiary of it (so they share? Imagine a husband and wife sharing, HOW FUCKING RADICAL). A lot of hard-earned money, made through many years of hawking catsup, mustard, and pickles has fallen into the hands of two people who despise successful entrepreneurship (er, now here is a problem, what they despise is UNFAIR successful manipulation of what SHOULD BE entrepreneurship but turns out the bidding is rigged by um REPUBLICANS...or does Haliburton not ring a bell?) and who believe in the confiscatory redistribution of wealth (and your facts come from????). So how does Mrs. Heinz Kerry spend John Heinz's money (oh see, he's dead he LEFT HER THE MONEY, so therefore the money is HERS, or do you not understand Wills and Bequeaths either)? Just one example: According to the G2 Bulletin, an online intelligence newsletter of WorldNetDaily, in the years between 1995-2001 she gave more than $4million to an organization called the Tides Foundation (I can't access the G2 news bulletin without a $200/year subscription but the headline of this article reads:
Who's funding GOP unrest?
Mrs. Kerry linked to groups planning demonstrations, disruptions.
So she's backing her husband?)
And what does the Tides Foundation do with John Heinz's money? They support numerous antiwar groups, including Ramsey Clark's International Action Center (here is the website for Tides Foundation, a non-profit beneficent organization http://www.tidesfoundation.org/index_tf.cfm , which has seems to be very open about what they do and what they support). Clark has offered to defend Saddam Hussein when he's tried (this may be a very unpopular thing for Clark to do but it is the right of every individual in this Country to be represented by counsel, or do you hate the Constitution too?). They support the Democratic Justice Fund, a joint venture of the Tides Foundation and billionaire hate-monger George Soros (you mean the guy who survived a Nazi concentration camp and campaigned against aparthied, that HATE MONGER?). The Democratic Justice Fund seeks to ease restrictions on Muslim immigration from "terrorist" states. They support the Council for American-Islamic Relations, whose leaders are known to have close ties to the terrorist group, Hamas (you know what, let me just cut to the chase here and send you to this link, http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_teresa_heinz_kerry.htm , doesn't the url say it all?). They support the National Lawyers Guild, organized as a communist front during the Cold War era. One of their attorneys, Lynne Stewart, has been arrested for helping a client, Sheikh Omar Abdel Rahman, communicate with terror cells in Egypt. He is the convicted mastermind of the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. They support the "Barrio Warriors," a radical Hispanic group whose primary goal is to return all of Arizona, California, New Mexico, and Texas to Mexico. These are but a few of the radical groups that benefit, through the anonymity provided by the Tides Foundation, from the generosity of our would-be first lady, the wealthy widow of Republican senator John Heinz, and now the wife of the Democratic senator who aspires to be the 44th President of the United States.
Aiding and supporting our enemies is not good for America (you should have told this to GWB when he sent $30 million to Osama and his cohorts in May of 2001, guess what they funded? Where was the accounting of that money?, oh yeah I *think* Bush said he regretted that, so it's all better now, right?) regardless of your political views. If voters will open their eyes, educate themselves and see the real Teresa Heinz Kerry (I'd like the voters to grow a brain stem too and see things for what they really are instead of getting drivvel such as this in their e-mail and deciding that it's a fact or not completely biased and shows none of the failings, misdeeds and secrets of the Republican party) they will not appreciate her position as ultra rich fairy godmother of the radical left (no instead they'll see her as a rational intelligent woman, supporting her husband and his campaign and has clearly documented EVERYTHING). They will not want to imagine her laying her head on a pillow each night inches away from the President of the United States (so this is how you think of Laura or worse, Barbara Bush? That's twisted...oh wait, Republicans don't sleep in the same bed!). Hopefully they love this country enough to decide that the only way these two will ever be allowed into the White House is with an engraved invitation in hand (oh I for one am voting them an engraved invitation, because if your narrow minded, unfounded diatribe represents the other side I KNOW I'M RIGHT). Instead of deleting this, pass it on. Let everyone know these people are unfit to represent this great nation (they don't want war, they want to improve the economy, they want to make conditions better for everyone, they want to offer fair bidding on government contracts, they want to make sure Americans are taken care of in old age and in health crises, what kind of evil anti-Americanism is THAT?). The uninformed will never hear the truth (you said it) from the press (you mean like the NY Post, the Wall Street Journal or The Washington Post who printed utter inaccuracies about Kerry and the above organizations? Yeah, in that you are correct), who wants Kerry elected!
Not from the above letter:
Now just a side note. Our current resident, GWB, belongs (as did his father) to a secret society. He admits this in his autobiography (so you know I'm not making this up). The secret society is Yale's "Skull and Bones". The History Channel did an interesting documentary on this the other day. They gave a fair reporting, offering both positive and negative dialog on it. Some of the things that both sides agreed upon was that the society is "elitist", no "riff-raff" allowed. The inductees are white, upper class, "connected" individuals who foster the doctrine that everyone else is to be excluded in all society. (That's not even the scariest part). They also agree that the ideal is to groom their inductees for "political and high powered positions" so that they can foster this doctrine further! Ok, now that's FRIGHTENING. See I gotta believe you don't have a secret society unless the secret shouldn't be shared because it's not a wholesome one...if it was in any way benevolent wouldn't it be a WIDE OPEN SOCIETY? Yeah these people aren't sending any money to starving kids, that much they all agree on too. Oh and as an amusing side note each member of this society gets a "secret society name". George W. Bush's name? "Temporary". Yeah, even they don't want him permanent.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
You learn something new everyday.
Today I learned something new about myself. I learned that I have a logical side to my brain and a practical side and that the two are not always in agreement.
I came home from a holiday bbq, sat at my computer and was about to blog the things I'd learned from that little fete when I heard a noise. The conversation in my brain went something like this:
Logical side: it's a cat
Practical side: look down (direction of noise)
Logical side: it's a baby possum
Practical side: it cannot be a baby possum
Practical side: look again
Logical side: it's grey, has a skinny tail, pointy nose, it's a possum
Practical side: it merely appears to be a possum, it's an ugly kitten.
Logical side: it has beady eyes and is adept at climbing vertically up your desk.
Rational side: OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BABY POSSUM CLIMBING MY DESK
Logical side: calm down
Practical side: oh great, now we have to freak out.
Practical side: what do we do now?
Logical side: remove it
Rational side: OH MY FUCKING GOD WHERE DID IT GO WHILE I WAS FREAKING OUT?
Logical side: look for it
Practical side: it's under the desk behind the computer burrowed into the nest of wires that looks like a plate of spaghetti and that you didn't feel it "logical" to organize because they'd only get mixed up again.
Logical side: sue me
Rational side: Stop bickering you two THERE'S A FUCKING POSSUM IN HERE.
At this point the logical side and practical side attempt to work in unison. Rational side proves useless in a crisis and is left to quietly decompose on it's own.
Logical and practical sides decide to query fellow onliners who suggested my best course of action would be to bathe and name it. Much as this option seemed to be my only recourse I was stymied on how to actually go about this task. Retrieving oven mitts (the good ones that aren't all burned up and still have quilting in the finger pockets) I attempted to soothe the little beast by petting it. It could not have been less enthused. It displayed various defensive tactics not unlike that of an angry crocodile.
I pondered this dilemma for quite some time whilst rational side sent my blood pressure soaring to new and uncharted heights. Logical and practical ran through the options: Animal control is closed, it's a holiday weekend. Cops will come, they will laugh a good laugh and one of them will try to grab it and get bit and they will then take it and kill it. They will take it and kill it even if no one gets bit, it's the stupid law. All nearby friends are asleep or drunk or out of town on vacation. Get friends who have better timing. Go back to online friends.
Several of the suggestions made by fellow Worthians were actually a catalyst in the successful conclusion of possum relocation. The pillowcase suggestion seemed the best but due to logistics would not work, nor did the towel suggestion. However I will now provide a tutorial on possum removal for those who find themselves in a similar situation:
1. Put on oven mitts and get towel, hold flashlight in mouth, take metal yard stick and tap on possum buttocks in an attempt to move said possum while attempting to throw towel over him.
2. Remove oven mitts, they are a hindrance.
3. Repeat step one sans oven mitts.
4. Give up yard stick and crawl under desk very close to possum and attempt to get edge of towel behind possum wedged firmly in corner. Hope possums can't lunge.
5. Watch as possum begins to crawl from spot in utter terror and climbs into your open computer case.
6. Consider ripping all the wires out of your computer and running outside with computer case.
7. Abandon step 6.
8. Terrorize possum a bit more by trying to grab it with the towel from the computer case, watch as he wedges himself in a corner by your filing cabinet.
9. Trap him in this area.
10. Realize that possums hang by their tails, at least in cartoons. Decide you should pick him up by the tail.
11. Put on oven mitts.
12. Try to grab tail. Fail. Try again. Fail. Repeat as necessary.
13. Realize you can force him into a box or container from this spot.
14. Look quickly for box or container. Spot wastebasket.
15. Grab wastebasket and dump contents on floor.
16. Tip wastebasket with opening facing possum location. Offer possum only 1 possible option out.
17. Catch possum
18. Swiftly tilt wastebasket up while rapidly moving toward rear exit of house.
19. Watch in horror and panic as possum proceeds to scale the side of slippery plastic waste can.
20. Exit premises just as baby possum breaches the lip of wastebasket. Place wastebasket on ground.
21. Reenter house and swiftly close door (optional, but highly recommended).
22. Spend several hours trying to regain composure.
So we have now all learned some valuable things today. I hope this helps you in some small measure.
I'll blog another time about the bbq experience.
dolly's world: the fine art of bitchcraft
I came home from a holiday bbq, sat at my computer and was about to blog the things I'd learned from that little fete when I heard a noise. The conversation in my brain went something like this:
Logical side: it's a cat
Practical side: look down (direction of noise)
Logical side: it's a baby possum
Practical side: it cannot be a baby possum
Practical side: look again
Logical side: it's grey, has a skinny tail, pointy nose, it's a possum
Practical side: it merely appears to be a possum, it's an ugly kitten.
Logical side: it has beady eyes and is adept at climbing vertically up your desk.
Rational side: OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BABY POSSUM CLIMBING MY DESK
Logical side: calm down
Practical side: oh great, now we have to freak out.
Practical side: what do we do now?
Logical side: remove it
Rational side: OH MY FUCKING GOD WHERE DID IT GO WHILE I WAS FREAKING OUT?
Logical side: look for it
Practical side: it's under the desk behind the computer burrowed into the nest of wires that looks like a plate of spaghetti and that you didn't feel it "logical" to organize because they'd only get mixed up again.
Logical side: sue me
Rational side: Stop bickering you two THERE'S A FUCKING POSSUM IN HERE.
At this point the logical side and practical side attempt to work in unison. Rational side proves useless in a crisis and is left to quietly decompose on it's own.
Logical and practical sides decide to query fellow onliners who suggested my best course of action would be to bathe and name it. Much as this option seemed to be my only recourse I was stymied on how to actually go about this task. Retrieving oven mitts (the good ones that aren't all burned up and still have quilting in the finger pockets) I attempted to soothe the little beast by petting it. It could not have been less enthused. It displayed various defensive tactics not unlike that of an angry crocodile.
I pondered this dilemma for quite some time whilst rational side sent my blood pressure soaring to new and uncharted heights. Logical and practical ran through the options: Animal control is closed, it's a holiday weekend. Cops will come, they will laugh a good laugh and one of them will try to grab it and get bit and they will then take it and kill it. They will take it and kill it even if no one gets bit, it's the stupid law. All nearby friends are asleep or drunk or out of town on vacation. Get friends who have better timing. Go back to online friends.
Several of the suggestions made by fellow Worthians were actually a catalyst in the successful conclusion of possum relocation. The pillowcase suggestion seemed the best but due to logistics would not work, nor did the towel suggestion. However I will now provide a tutorial on possum removal for those who find themselves in a similar situation:
1. Put on oven mitts and get towel, hold flashlight in mouth, take metal yard stick and tap on possum buttocks in an attempt to move said possum while attempting to throw towel over him.
2. Remove oven mitts, they are a hindrance.
3. Repeat step one sans oven mitts.
4. Give up yard stick and crawl under desk very close to possum and attempt to get edge of towel behind possum wedged firmly in corner. Hope possums can't lunge.
5. Watch as possum begins to crawl from spot in utter terror and climbs into your open computer case.
6. Consider ripping all the wires out of your computer and running outside with computer case.
7. Abandon step 6.
8. Terrorize possum a bit more by trying to grab it with the towel from the computer case, watch as he wedges himself in a corner by your filing cabinet.
9. Trap him in this area.
10. Realize that possums hang by their tails, at least in cartoons. Decide you should pick him up by the tail.
11. Put on oven mitts.
12. Try to grab tail. Fail. Try again. Fail. Repeat as necessary.
13. Realize you can force him into a box or container from this spot.
14. Look quickly for box or container. Spot wastebasket.
15. Grab wastebasket and dump contents on floor.
16. Tip wastebasket with opening facing possum location. Offer possum only 1 possible option out.
17. Catch possum
18. Swiftly tilt wastebasket up while rapidly moving toward rear exit of house.
19. Watch in horror and panic as possum proceeds to scale the side of slippery plastic waste can.
20. Exit premises just as baby possum breaches the lip of wastebasket. Place wastebasket on ground.
21. Reenter house and swiftly close door (optional, but highly recommended).
22. Spend several hours trying to regain composure.
So we have now all learned some valuable things today. I hope this helps you in some small measure.
I'll blog another time about the bbq experience.
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